NAZIS' EXPLODING CHOCOLATE 'FOILED!'

                  Churchill Assassination Plot Foiled !
     The Nazis plotted to kill Sir Winston Chuchill with a bar of chocolate , a wartime letter has revealed.


          Adolf Hitler's bomb makers coated explosive devices with a thin layer of dark chocolate, then packaged them in expensive-looking black and gold paper.They apparently planned to use secret agents to place the bars, branded as Peter's Chocolate, among items taken into the room used by the war Cabinet for meetings.These bar's of chocolate had enough explosives to kill anyone within a few yards.

        The plot was foiled by British was foiled by British spies who discovered the the chocolate was being made and tipped off the MI5's most senior intelligence chief, Victor Rothschild.

                                                             Victor Rothschild. (above)


        Lord Rothschild, a member of the banking family, typed a letter to an illustrator seconded to his unit, asking him to draw-poster size images of the chocolate to warn the public to be on the lookout for it. The letter to the artist Laurence Fish , dated May 4, 1943, was unearthed by Mr Fish's wife Jean Bray, as she went through her late Husband's possessions after his death in 2009, aged 89.

                                                             The Late Mr Fish (above)


        The letter revealed how the mechanism would be activated when a piece of chocolate was broken away, which would reveal a piece of canvas running through the centre of the bar. Lord Rothschild enclosed a 'very poor diagram' by someone who had seen one of the bars. Apparently seven seconds after a  piece of chocolate and attached canvas were pulled out , the explosive would be detonated. 

       The letter was written to Mr Fish by Lord Rothschild from his secret bunker in Parliament Square in Central London.
       Fish went on to design poster's for 'Dunlop' and 'BP'.


      As a matter of fact , Churchill himself did not eat chocolate . Amongst other items that Rothschild was asked to investigate were suspicious cigars sent to the prime minister, and used his Zoologist's dissecting skills on a bomb hidden in a cargo of Spanish onions,  for which Churchill recommended him for a George medal.


                                             THE THINGS PEOPLE DO ???............... 


           

                                                

      

FEAST YOUR MINCE PIES OVER COCKNEY LESSONS

       PUPILS HAVE A BUTCHERS IN LESSONS !

       School children in the East End of London are to be given lessons in Cockney rhyming slang. Phrases such as "mince pies"(eyes), "oily rag" (fag,cigarette), "butchers hook" (look), "apples and pears" (stairs) and the more recent "Hank Marvin" (starving). There are also numerous non-rhyming eg. "Burma Road" (rice), "Monkey (£500)etc.
       Pearly Kings and Queens will help with the lessons in the borough of Tower Hamlets.
       A spokesperson for the council said "Cockney and it's rhyming slang is a distinctive characteristic  that helps define the area, alongside food and Pearly Kings and Queens.

  
       There are 126 official languages spoken in schools in the borough but Lutfer Rahman, the mayor, said in reality there were 127 - with cockney being the most widespread.
       He continued " The Pearly Kings and Queens are London's 'other' royal family and they carry the torch for cockney culture and its proud history".
       Lorraine Wells, Pearly Queen of Tower Hamlets, said Cockney is forever changing and evolving. "People used to call a "curry" a Ruby Murray but now younger people don't remember her, it's an Andy Murray, or just an Andy"

                      " LESSON'S IN SWEAR WORD'S ! "


       Then a couple of weeks ago we had the swear word fiasco, teaching youngsters the meaning of swear words and in which context to use them. ( Unbelievable ! )

      With the introduction of texting over recent years young people's spelling and grammar has suffered, with many youngsters who cannot spell general words. They use abbreviation with letters,numbers and pictures, as for punctuation, that appears non-existent .
       I'm all for advancement and new technology but not if we lose sight of the basics.

LEGIONAIRE'S DISEASE OUTBREAK !

                    " STOKE-ON-TRENT "

       News has just been released that a person has died from legionnaire's disease in Stoke-on-Trent and that 16 others are being treated , one critical. The HSE have said that they are investigating the outbreak and that the source has not been identified, only that it's non-hospital related.

                                      (Legionella Bacteria)


       This follows the recent outbreak in early June which occurred in Edinburgh , Scotland and caused the death of 3 people and 49 other cases were identified. One company at the centre of the outbreak had been ordered by the HSE to shutdown its Cooling Towers , this was apparently served after the HSE found that they were lacking to properly control Legionella.

                  (Cooling Towers ordered to shut down in Edinburgh)


       In one of the worst outbreaks the country has seen in recent years was in Barrow, Cumbria 2002, a faulty Air-conditioning system sprayed the deadly bacteria into a alleyway outside The Art's Centre in Barrow. This particular incident resulted in the death of 7 people and 180 people contracted the disease.
       Barrow council who ran the Art's centre were found guilty of neglect regarding the maintenance of the building, for this , they received a fine of  £125,000 for breaching Health and Safety laws. ( Little comfort for the families that lost a loved one ! )

                                             (Air-con fan)

         "LEGIONAIRE'S DISEASE FACT - FILE !"

   Legionaire's is caused by a Bacteria "Legionella"


   The Bacteria got it's name in 1976 when many people went to a Philadelphia convention of the American Legion and suffered a outbreak in the hotel they were staying, the source was the air-conditioning system.


   The disease is a type of pneumonia (lung infection). Symptoms are like many forms of pneumonia , this makes diagnosis rather difficult. Prominent signs can include high fever, chills, a cough, muscular ache and headache.These symptoms appear to manifest 2 - 14 days after being exposed to the bacteria.


   Legionaire' can be very serious, death in upto 5% to 30% of cases, most cases are treatable with strong doses of Anti-Biotics.


   The Bacteria is natural in the environment but are usually found in water. The Bacteria grow best in warm water like hot-tubs, cooling towers, hot water tanks, large plumbing systems and in air-conditioning systems of large buildings.


   People contract Legionaire's disease when breathed in through vapour's (small droplets of water in the air ) eg. breathing in steam from a spa pool that has not been properly cleaned.


   People over 50 are more susceptible of getting the disease or people who are already suffering illness and have a weak immune system.


   There does not appear to be any cases where a person has contracted the disease from another person. Car air-conditioning systems appear safe also.

   
    I think one way around outbreaks would be for companies to have these systems checked every six months and after they have been serviced they receive a licence for the following six months. If they have no licence they are closed immediately until they obtain one.
    Some companies it would appear need to get their house in order, one death is one to many !

OLYMPIC"CONTRACEPTION CAMP !"

      WHO WILL WIN A GOLD IN THE CONTRACEPTION OLYMPICS???

        The Oooh-Olympics , a record 150,000 condoms are being handed out to athlete's at the London Olympic village during the 2012 games.

       You would think that athlete's would be more concerned with preserving their energy but it appears not. It works out at around 15 condoms each for the 10,500 athletes, with Durex willing to supply more if this allowance becomes exhausted.
       If past Olympic games are being used as a yard-stick then durex services will be called upon. Many of the athlete's admit that it's quite a hot- bed for sexual action , before the games commence , during and especially afterwards.

       Hope Solo ( pictured above) USA goalkeeper has said that during the last Olympics even celebrities were getting in on the act being smuggled in during the wee small hours . Australian swimmer Stephanie Rice received a backlash from fellow athletes for posting a picture on twitter in a bikini.

       Apparently earlier this month a athlete who preferred to remain anonymous said that during the games there's a lot of action off the field in a wave of promiscuity as super fit athletes get down and dirty they also claimed that alcohol was also smuggled in , as this is banned in the village.

       So it seems that Durex should have those stand-by supplies ready to go! As for the athlete's who can blame them , their young, very fit and it's only natural.

       What would you do in there shoe's ? ( or lack of them !) I damn well know which party I'd be at...................

"COME DINE WITH ME ! (NOT!)

        " Heroin Addict with a Appetite ???"

  A shoplifter was recently caught with 27 tins of corned beef stuffed down  his trousers.

   The shoplifter, 25, pleaded guilty of stealing 27 tins of corned beef, £56 worth of cheese and tins of salmon from Tesco - as well as a public order offence.

   Swansea magistrates ' court heard that the shoplifter was a heroin addict and that whilst on bail for these offences stole 15 packs of meat from another supermarket.

   The court was told that drug use was the root cause of his crimes ( either that or he'd been chosen to appear in "come dine with me" dessert would be interesting !) Joking aside the sad fact is that he could easily sell these items to raise enough cash for a couple of bags of smack.He had returned to Swansea after living in Birmingham and getting clean , once back in Swansea I  suppose he reverted back to what he knew and mixing with the same people who got him on the gear in the first place.

   He had a good appetite for the smack 2 bags a day and as much corned beef you could swing a cat at ! For his troubles he received an eight-month prison sentence. Hopefully the poor lad will get some help to get him off the gear during his time in prison. I don't hold much hope there though apparently it's even easier to purchase on the inside.

   God help the poor lad he'll probably end up as just another dead statistic at the hands of heroin , if he hasn't already !

PASSWORDS - CHANGED YOURS RECENTLY ???

                 "INCREASED NUMBER OF ON-LINE

                                 ACCOUNTS HACKED!"

        It has been reported that the average Briton has 26 on-line accounts. Yet user's only have five passwords in total to keep them secure, one for every five accounts roughly, according to research.


       One in four of 2000 people surveyed use a single password for the majority of all accounts, while one in 20 use one password for all accounts.


       These findings are totally baffling, once one account has been hacked successfully then the hacker can at ease access the remainder of the users on-line accounts.


       It's recommended that users have different passwords for all accounts, within this, mixing the passwords up with numbers,capitals and character's egJ0hnsm1th32@yahoo. It also recommends that you change these passwords around every 12 weeks. It's a inconvenience but a necessary one to keep your on-line accounts safe.


       Apparently the spiralling number of on-line accounts driving a sharp rise in on-line fraud. Fraudsters in the UK alone traded more than 12 million pieces of personal information on-line in the first four months of 2012, a threefold increase since 2010.


       Something to ponder on when you next use your credit card on-line or to check your bank account !

                           " KEEP SAFE PEOPLE !"

WARNING OVER TICK NUMBER'S !

                       RISK IN INCREASE OF TICK BITES !

     The British public are being warned of an increased threat of being bitten by Ticks ' this summer because of the unusual wet weather .

     Ticks - a species of arachnid - can transmit a number of diseases,  including Lyme disease, which can lead to blindness, deafness and Facial Palsy , this is paralysis of part of the face caused by the non-functioning of the nerve that controls muscles in the face. This has been caused by high levels of rainfall , especially if followed by sunshine , this provides ideal conditions for the Tick.

     There are several species of tick in Britain. The one most likely to bite humans is the sheep tick, which despite it's name will feed from a variety of mammals and birds.

      Ticks don't fly, jump or blow around in the wind , they are slow and lumbering unlike a spider which is quick and nimble. They are very adept at sensing their ideal candidate from a fair distance.

      Their purpose in life is only to propagate their species and un-knowingly pass disease onto hosts they feed on.

      Be very careful when removing a tick ensuring that none of the tick is left behind in the skin , remove by the mouth and not the body. I came across a great website for this , which gives you detailed step-by-step guide and actually sell a specifically designed tick remover which is very cheap and removes the whole of the tick. They can also be washed so they are re-usable.

     They are a charitable  organisation and there website is :

                          www.BADA-UK.uk.org

      So remember this next time your sun-bathing in the garden !!!

    

IDIOTS GUIDE ON HOW TO BUY A WOMAN !

              KEVIN&STEVE GO SHOPPING

Kevin and Steve were not the two brightest fellows in the world , to say they were mentally challenged would be a understatement .

One day whilst having a cup of tea they were thumbing there way through a shopping catalogue , by the way they were both single . Steve turned to Kevin and said "Kevin have you seen the price of women in here ? we could afford one each " Kevin agreed and picked the phone up and placed there order . Nearly three weeks passed and Steve was becoming inpatient .So Steve rang Kevin and said "it doesn't look like we're going to get those women , I've heard nothing ", Kevin said " don't give up hope they must be on there way", Steve said "how do you know?" He replied "well there clothes turned up this morning !"

                                BOOM,BOOM!

             " KEEP SMILING SERIES"

Give Convicted Prisoners a kettle in case they fancy a cup of tea at night

 'TEA PLEASE MR PRISON OFFICER'

Today I was having a bit of a tidy-up after the weekend, I noticed that one of the newspapers I had brought on Saturday remained unread. ( I wish now I had left it unread as my blood is boiling, no pun intended. ) With dismay I read this article which I will briefly or not briefly outline.


A convicted criminal has won the right to keep a flask of hot tea in his cell at night after the prisons ombudsman declared that it was good for his health and he deserved " decent treatment ".
The prisoner had complained ( if you please ! )that it was unfair that he was not allowed to make a hot drink at night. ( boo bloody hoo..convicted??? )
He then took his complaint to the prison governor who ( rightly) refused this request . So the prisoner took his case to Nigel Newcomen CBE, The newly appointed Prisons and Probation Ombudsman, who agreed that refusal of this request was in breach of the rules on how prisoners should be held. ( once again , convicted prisoner ? Is the message getting through , obviously not ! )
The National Offender Management Service has now accepted the recommendation and agreed that prisoners should be provided with tea-making facilities at night if they request them .( why not go one step further and have a bell so prison officers can take there favourite biscuit requests! )


Critics within the prison service have complained that this has gone too far in supporting those who have been convicted of serious crime.
Mr Newcomen explained his reasoning behind his decision granting the convicted inmate the right to enjoy a cup of tea at night. " He complained (the prisoner) that he was unable to make himself a hot drink when he was locked up overnight" ( my heart bleeds !!! )
Mr Newcomen said that the prison should provide prisoners with vacuum flasks  ( this gets better )or in-cell " kettles " for this purpose. I'm sure Mr Newcomen would soon change his decision if he were a prison officer who opened the cell door and had a jug of scolding water thrown in his face . I worked with young offenders on and off for almost twenty years and left this work eight years ago because of so called politically correct decisions like this,made by individuals who are clueless and more interested in figures and success stories, which are few, I'm sorry to disappoint , a lot of the ground level staff do great work but are moulded by this wide spectrum of "rights" which is a very fine line and more often than not taken out of context.


In another case , Mr Newcomen CBE explained how he tried to help a "category A" prisoner ( could  be a murderer, paedophile etc ) who was in jail a long way from home ( all say Arhhhh! ) and it was difficult for his family to visit him as they lived 250 miles away. Mr Newcomen was satisfied with the "allocation" of the prisoner to that high-security prison. But he had become concerned that the financial help scheme for the family to visit was not generous enough. He recommended that the financial help be increased , but this was rejected as being too costly. ( someone has sense then !)


A prison source said : " It's all very well to be a friend to the prisoner , but surely it's hardly a human right to have a cup of tea at night. Prisoners are not meant to be in hotel rooms with room service, they are there to be punished. " (Never a more true word spoken. )


Finally what about the victims of these prisoners crimes, the pensioner who is to afraid to make a drink for themselves at night after being a victim of burglary and assaulted , The woman who was raped in her own home , the person who was disabled through one of these crimes let alone the families of someone taken from them by one of these convicted prisoners or the child who was sexually or physically abused the list goes on.


   " The victim's have rights to , one being that the perpetrator of the crime against them is being punished !"


Please feel free to make comments on this blog as I wish to look into this further or if you've had direct experience regarding this subject.

TOP 20 HOUSEHOLD TIPS

      TOP 20 HOUSEHOLD ' HINTS & TIPS '

 1. Windows - Next time your in the supermarket pricing up the 
                        glass and window sprays for between £3- £5-stop.
                        Go get yourself a bottle of white vinegar, a lemon
                        and a newspaper, once home get a empty spray 
                        bottle and mix together a third of a cup of vinegar
                        and the juice from the lemon , pour into spray 
                        bottle and top up with cold water. Scrunch up a 
                        few sheets of newspaper ( preferably the banking-
                        section ) spray directly onto window and clean off
                        with newspaper buffing it until you have shining 
                        glass. Better , cheaper and lasts longer than 
                        brands in shop.


  2. Baking Soda - Great for removing grease from a stove.


                               Ideal for getting unwanted odours held 
                               within your carpet, sprinkle on carpet before 
                               going to bed and vaccum up in the morning.


                               Better than any cleaner for baths, showers 
                               and sinks. ( A lot cheaper for all 3 ! )


  3. Sink Pipes - Keep sink pipes clean , pour a quarter cup of
                           baking soda with 1 cup of vinegar down the sink
                           , this causes a chemical reaction , leave for five
                           minuets then pour a kettle full of boiling water
                           down the sink and hey Presto !


 4. Alka-Seltzer or Denture tabs - Four tabs in toilet bowl will 
                            bring it up sparkling clean - leave for 1 hour 
                            then clean with toilet brush.


 5. Thermos Flasks - put a couple of tabs in flask and fill three
                                   quarters full with hot water , leave over-
                                   night and rinse out in the morning , you 
                                   have a stain free flask and it smells fresh.


 6. Window Cleaner (again!) - Buy a gallon of car window wash
                                   and transfer into empty spray bottle when 
                                   mixed. Cleans just as well as brand name 
                                   cleaners is cheaper and lasts ages.


 7. Mirrors - Use Air Freshener spray on mirror and buff up to
                      a shine and they smell nice to. ( Not that I'm in the
                      habit of going round sniffing mirrors , that would 
                      be weird ! )


 8. Tumble Dryer Sheets - Dust your TVs and PCs screens with
                                            a used tumble dryer sheet , reduces 
                                            static and stops dust re-settling.


 9. General Cleaning - Mix together a good squirt of household
                                       bleach and a small squirt of washing-up
                                       liquid, pour into a spray bottle and top-
                                       up with water. This shifts soap scum 
                                       from showers and baths, ideal for clean-
                                       around the bathroom and Kitchen. Also
                                       use on PVC window frames for removal
                                       of green algae and cleaning.( A winner!)


10. Kettles - To remove limescale from kettles , cover the elem-
                      ent with white vinegar and boil the kettle , repeat
                      if there's a heavy build up and watch the scale dis-
                      appear. No after taste either !


11. Tile Grout - To clean your grout around tiles squeeze a lem-
                            on into some water and rub into the grout with
                            a old toothbrush. Wipe dirt off with a clean 
                            cloth.


12. - Condensation - To prevent condensation on windows cut a 
                                   Potato in half and rub onto window then 
                                   buff up with a dry cloth.


13. - Gloss paint - After decorating with gloss paint cut a large
                               onion into quarters and place around the 
                               room, this will absorb the odours of the paint.
                               ( A professional painter told me this years 
                                ago !)


14. - Ants - To stop Ants entering areas where you don't want 
                    them draw a chalk line around these areas . Obvio-
                    usly you need to repeat this if it rains.


15. - To have a room smelling fresh place a few drops of essent-
         ial oils on your radiators, or your favourite perfume or 
         aftershave , when the rads heat up the room is smelling 
         sweet!


16. - Marker Pen - To remove marker pen stains from hard su-
                                 rfaces spray hairspray and then wipe off 
                                 with a cloth.


17. - Garlic - To remove the smell of garlic from your hands,
                       rub your hands against stainless steel , your sink
                       is ideal , then wash hands with soap.


18.- Crayon Marks - To remove crayon marks from walls or
                                    doors simply switch your hairdryer on a 
                                    low setting and move over mark and then
                                    wipe with a slightly damp cloth.


19.- Trout - If you've been lucky enough to catch a Trout whilst
                    fishing or just brought one , saturate a few sheets of 
                    newspaper and wrap your trout up , place in a oven 
                    or on a BBQ , when the newspaper is compltely dry 
                    your trout is cooked. ( My Dad always did his this 
                    way.


20. - Spectacles - Dab some vodka on a dry cloth and clean for a
                             smear free finish . If all else fails have a few 
                             and they will look great.

      These 'Hints&Tips' have worked for me over the years !
                                             
                         

PRESENT DAY: WHATS ON TV ( SUN 8th JULY > FRI 13th JULY ) ALTER...

PRESENT DAY: WHATS ON TV ( SUN 8th JULY > FRI 13th JULY ) ALTER...:    Alternatives means No Soap Operas , No Mind-Numbing Talent Shows and Bloody Big Brother . Programmes and Movies that hopefully make y...

WHATS ON TV ( WED 11th JULY > FRI 13th JULY ) ALTERNATIVES

  Alternatives means No Soap Operas , No Mind-Numbing Talent Shows and Bloody Big Brother . Programmes and Movies that hopefully make you THINK !!!

        WEDNESDAY 11th


      CHANNEL 5 . 20.00 - BUILDING THE LONDON
                                            UNDERGROUND.




      This documentry celebrates four major feats of engineering that make the London underground a success , sometimes anyway. Cameras follow the current expansion work which will eventually cover a huge 402km.


          THURSDAY 12th


       CHANNEL 4 . 21.00 - BANK OF DAVE


          Two-parter. Documentry following David Fishwick a entrepreneur from Burnley , Lancashire, trying to open his own bank and make it profitable within six months.


          BBC FOUR . 21.00 - GUTS: THE STRANGE AND
                                        MYSTERIOUS WORLD OF THE
                                       HUMAN STOMACH.


          Not for the squeamish ! Presenter Michael Mosley swallows a small camera pill and follow its journey through the digestive system of the human body and how it all works.


          BBC FOUR . 22.00 - RUPTURE: LIVING WITH A 
                                                          BROKEN BRAIN. 
                                                          


         Former Bond girl Maryam d'Abo suffered a brain haemorrhage five years ago.She tells of the lightning strike of the attack and the long recovery , she recalls lookiking in the mirror and seeing " someone else staring back at her ".It also looks at the brain itself , its structure and what a wonderful thing the brain is.


          FRIDAY 13th   ( Oooh! )


       YESTERDAY . 20.00 - LONDON GAMES UNEARTHED.
     
       As we draw closer to the Olympics expect more and more of these type of programmes . I just want the thing to start , quite looking forward to it actually , perhaps I would feel differently if I still lived in London . ( Traffic chaos ! )


          ITV 1 . 22.35 - BATMAN BEGINS


       In my opinion the best of the Batman films an ideal bit of escapism after a long week !!!


Oh and theres a small matter of a tennis match on Sunday , coverage starts 12.55 - BBC 1.

   
  If none of the above take your fancy kick back switch the radio on and grab a good book and a glass of wine or three . You could also go for a walk or mend that dripping tap that's been needed doing for ages . Whatever you do ENJOY !!!                                   
          

PRESENT DAY: 50 SHADES OF CHAV !

PRESENT DAY: 50 SHADES OF CHAV !:                              Need I say anymore " UK 2012 "

50 SHADES OF CHAV !

                            Need I say anymore " UK 2012 "

PRESENT DAY: CHILDREN'S SERVICES UK ( CARE HOMES )

PRESENT DAY: CHILDREN'S SERVICES UK ( CARE HOMES ):       ' vulnerable' Children in Care Homes.  The UK Government will today announce plans to end the ' export trade' of vulnerable children...

CHILDREN'S SERVICES UK ( CARE HOMES )

      ' vulnerable' Children in Care Homes.

 The UK Government will today announce plans to end the ' export trade' of vulnerable children around England who find themselves in Care Homes.


I worked within Children Services for almost twenty years , this was in community care homes and Secure Units , mainly on the front line of dealing with young people and coming across the various dilemma's this entails . I no longer work within this field as it was mentally and physically exhausting work apart from the reams of red tape that you had to wade through and as for political correctness ,don't get me started.


I totally agree that finding suitable placements for 'vulnerable' children can be a nightmare and a change has been long overdue. Especially at this time with the increase in sexual exploitation among this group and the sad case that happened in Rochdale . There are many questions to be asked from the top and filtering down to the front line staff.


Firstly , do you place a child closer to home knowing they are 'vulnerale ' by being in contact with undesirable people through there peer group and local friends ? Or do you remove them  from the area and it links completely?


Or do you place them further away from home knowing that they could be a danger of absconding back to there local area or into another area that could be equally as dangerous.
On this point I notice that security around children's homes is to be increased from perpetrators making contact with children. Which is great but who funds this and is this a private security firm ? Also say for instance your a care worker on duty and you are aware a child is saying that they are going to leave . Fine in a Secure setting you have physical objects fences , walls ,locked doors etc. In a community setting your left with words of discouragement and making them aware of the dangers and for there safety. But the child is adamant they are leaving , you cannot physically stop them as this is deemed as assault so you phone the police and make them aware of the situation . Whilst the child walks out , is this adequate ? If you have children at home what would you do ? knowing that they are heading for a group of men aged 30 to 50 years old???


Children being placed in locations near known sex offenders ? this does not take a genius to work out that this is totally unsuitable and destined for god knows what.


Tim Laughton the Children's minister says that police have produced 'heat maps' showing the location of care homes and known sex offenders being on the same street . He then continues 'can Social workers look me in the eye and say this is suitable' So Social workers are involved in the planning and building of care homes and are responsible where sex offenders are placed, not the courts? not the police?
Mr Laughton appears to have a problem with his figures too , according to him the government data recorded only 930 ( only ?) children disappearing, whilst Police figures estimate 10,000 children go missing from care every year . ( Bit of a difference don't you think .)


Mr Laughton does feel that local authorities should be able to share information with the police in these matters , which you would think should be happening as a matter of course.


Perhaps some of the communication problems could do with three-quarters of care homes being in the private sector . I take nothing away from these  homes as they obviously ease the pressure on the local authorities , but at what cost?


I agree that the ' sexual exploitaion' of these vulnerable children does appear to have increased. But what does that say about our society in general ???


"The recent exposure of horrific cases of sexual exploitation,trafficking and other shocking crimes leave no room for doubt that there are huge gaps in the system that must be closed urgently"

HOW TO SPEAK OLYMPIC ...............

                                         

                                     OLYMPIC SPEAK !

                                            DO YOU KNOW YOURS ???

ARCHERY  -  FISTMELE

Fistmele is, in Archery , the distance between the bow handle and string

when the bow is drawn. ( You may also hear references to a competitor's

"Kisser" - a thing which shows the right vertical distance when drawing a bow. )

ATHLETICS  -  FARTLEK

    ( Fartlek - I kid you not ! ) It's an Athletics term

    of Swedish origin for a sort of practice running workout

    where the runner can vary the speed they , well, run at.

 BADMINTON - BACK ALLEY

 The area between the rear boundary and the long service line on a 
  Badminton court. Sometimes rudely, and wrongly, defined as where
 Badminton was played before legalisation in 1322.

     BASKETBALL - KEYHOLE

       Not what you watch Ladies' through, but the end part of the court ,

  

       including the foul circle, the free throw- line and the foul lane. It's called 

      the Keyhole because it used to look like one in the old days but does not

      any more .

BOXING - CHIN

Term of praise in boxing , as in " The boy's got chin". Not 

the bit the other chap just punched, but the ability to stay

upright despite it, even when seeing stars or indeed nothing

 at all. Allegedly "chin" is born not made. The opposite of 

 " glass jaw ".

    CANOEING - BEAM

      Not the expression on the face of the gold medallist in the canoe sprint where he tries his best to look 

      humble, but the width of the widest part of his boat .

                                          

     CANOEING - DRIVE FACE

       Drive Face is normally the expression that people put on when they turn into the gravel driveway of

       someone who is much richer than they are. In slalom canoeing, through the drive face is the curved

       , front bit of the paddle which is used to go forward. The rest is done by the back of the blade, which

        you may hear called by it's technical term, "back of the blade".

       

       CYCLING - BABY HEADS

         If the commentator refers to these during a cycling race , he'll be wincing . Baby heads are smallish 

         rocks, though bigger than 'death cookies', which mountain-bike riders often sample - usually with 

         their teeth when they have a crash.

           

         CYCLING - THE PITS

        The pits is a track cyclist's description for what he or she considers a particulary poor performance.
        Also fenced -off areas of the infield where mechanics work on the bikes.

         CYCLING - GROUPO

         You're thinking: an Australian person too old to be a groupie who hangs around road cyclists 

         hoping for a bit of slap - and - gravel. But actually it's a set of drive components - brakes, cranks, 

         gears and so on . 

          BMX - BEARTRAP

          Almost as nasty as it suggests : what happens when in BMX  cycling


          your foot slips off the pedal so the other pedal whizzes round and 


          smacks you in the shin.    

EQUESTRIAN - SLOBBER BAR

A slobber bar is where the equestrians gather after the event

to commiserate with, and blame, each other. Also , or actually

, it refers to a metal bar between the shanks of a curb bit.

 FENCING - COUP DROIT D'AUTORITE`

  The fencing stroke which parries then forces through


  an attack. It's the opposite of  ' parade insufficent ' or


  ' Mal - parry' - a parry that doesn't work so that the


   attackers blade makes contact .

FOOTBALL - OFFSIDE

We must mention football, (Why no David Beckham ? confused.com) , so let's
stick to the offside rule which is the thing a woman feigning interest in the game asks
a man to explain just once more, thus spoiling his enjoyment of the match while adding nothing to hers.
                                                           (SEE DIAGRAM BELOW)

GYMNASTICS 

THE FLOOR  - In Artistic Gymnastics what they call the floor is actually ..........
the floor. But it's officially a piece of apparatus. And there's more : exercises
performed on the floor are called.....floor exercise.  Whoever's in charge of Gymnastics is really going to
have to work on being a bit more obscure or where will it end ???

TOSS - Astoundingly and rather disappointingly an action in Rhythmic Gymnastics in which the Athlete
throws something into the air and catches it again. Cf'trap', where the something is caught , but not with
the hands. Minds : feel free to boggle.

HANDBALL - FALLAWAY

What they call it when a Handball player leaps into the air and 

while actually airborne twists to become horizontal in mid - air

and sort of flies round the defender to take a shot at goal. Do not

try this at home. Or if you do try this at home, make sure someone's

filming you so that they can post it on You Tube.

HOCKEY - BULLY

Naturally, the rough person in a hockey match with no

front teeth who is responsible for lots of other players

having no front teeth either. More formally, it's the call used to start the game, when players tap the 'flat' of their

sticks three times, then just go for it .

JUDO - JUSHIN

The centre of gravity of a judo combatant, and so one of it's

most crucial concepts. You may also hear the commentators 

speaking of "kansetsuwaza", where the combatants lock limbs,

and "O-Goshi", which is a combatants cry, the Japanese 

translation of "O-Fuck". ( Actually it's not. It's a Major Hip 

Throw. )

 SAILING - BROACH

 Since almost every aspect of sailing is conducted in an 

 otherwise-dead language based on the everyday speech 

 of 8th- century gurning rustics, it's hard to know where to 

 start, but this will do, and it's what the commentators will

 cry if a boat turns out of control, broadside to the wind 

 ( or waves ). Unlikely but possible.

SAILING - SAXBOARD

Well it's obviously another rowing term for gunwales, which

are pronounced "gunnels", while saxboard is pronounced 

"saxboard". In either case it's the top rail along the sides of

the boat, which is sometimes called a "shell",so that a shell's

saxboard is the same thing as a boat's gunwales.

SHOOTING - LEADE

The leade is the smooth section in the breech of a rifle, where you load the bullet, before the "lands" - the

ridges which make the bullet spin in flight. If you hear them refer to the "thrat", it's a not - quite - pukkah 

word for the same thing.

SHOOTING - NO BIRD

This is what happens when a shooting competitor spends all his time practising and never goes out. It is

also an illegally- launched clay pigeon. ( That's 'illegal' in that it's thrown before the player has called 'pull',

or not thrown, or breaks - not 'illegal' as in being fired into someone's face round the back of Argos when

he was eyein up your 'bird' innit ! )

SWIMMING - RIP ENTRY

It does make you think, some of these sporting terms. Still 

Rip Entry is, in diving, when you enter the water almost

imperceptibly, without making any splash. ( Incompatible

with 'lost move syndrome' where the diver suddenly finds

that he or she can't do a sequence of moves which two 

minutes ago was second nature. )

SWIMMING - SCULL

Scull is no relation of 'chin', 'kisser' or ' baby heads' ( qvv ) but instead it is sort of a paddling action of a 

synchronised swimmer's hands that is sppecifically designed to put a continuous pressure on the water in 

order to hold station ( or indeed propel the swimmer forwards ).

SWIMMING - WHIPPING AREA

As everyone knows, this is a swimming term referring to the competitors' equivalent of the Green Room,

where they can relax, either poolside or in a special room, before the race. Why ? What did you think it

was ???

TABLE TENNIS - CHOP BLOCK

" There's that chop block again " is nothing to do with 

butchery or Tower Hill; rather, a table-tennis stroke 

where the player just waits for the ball to come to his 

" blade " ( bat ) which he then chops downwards to

apply heavy spin to the ball as  it returns.

TAEKWONDO - CHAGI

Chagi is the Korean word fora kick in Taekwondo. There are 

lots of kinds of chagi. 'Ap','Yop',( the drink? ) 'dwi', 'naeryo', 

'bakat','cha chun bai' also 'horio'. These meaning: front, side, 

back, like axe, outer crescent, skipping, reverse turning. There 

are also many kinds of 'jireugi', which means punch. 'Jireugi ap'

'jireugi yop' - you begin to get the picture ???

TENNIS - GOLDEN SET

The tennis commentators will be yearning for this to happen.

A golden set is a set won 6 - 0 without a point being lost.

It has only ever been pulled off once, and that wasn't at an

Olympics - by Bill Scanlon of the USA in 1983. Could this

be the year? Almost certainly not.

TRAMPOLINE - FLUFFUS

A double somersault with a twist. One of those things in trampoline which, 

like everything else in trampoline , makes one feel as though one has shot

over the edge, screaming, and smashed one's teeth out on the rim . Can I 

go now ? I feel funny.

I find trampoline a bit up and down .

TRIATHLON - BONK

See also 'no bird', since neither have anything to do with sex.To 'bonk' is when a triathlete runs out of

puff,steam and oomph.Technically, it's actually the

glycogen reserves in muscle and liver which run out,

but either way it's a 'bonk', and you've 'hit the wall'

and are going no further for a bit, certainly not at the

rate you were.

VOLLEYBALL - FACIAL

A version of the popular indulgence, in volleyball a

'facial' is when a player raises her arm over her

head and smashes the ball into the opponent's side

of the court - and it hits someone smack in the

face. Also invigorating, but in a different way.

VOLLEYBALL(BEACH) - WHALE

A term of beach volleyball abuse ( note the nautical imagery )

for swiping wildly at the ball without any sense of tactics or real

purpose. But for the male spectators , with those skimpy little

outfits, who's looking for strategy or tactics ???

WATER POLO - BRUTALITY

Oddly enough for a sporting term, brutality, in water polo,

does actually refers to brutality, in which Player A tries 

deliberately to harm ( maim, kill, disable ) Player B, and

is sent off for the rest of the game.

WEIGHTLIFTING - SNATCH

Shh. stop it. This is simply, in weightlifting, pulling the 

barbell to mid-chest, then flipping it overhead. The other

one is called the 'jerk'- I warned you : stop it - which 

follows the 'clean', a rapid pull to the shoulders, then 

jerking the barbell overhead. There's also the famous 

though seldom seen 'prolapse' but it's usually left 

unmentioned apart from wincing by all involved.

WRESTLING - CROTCH LIFT

In wrestling, a 'crotch lift' refers to that nasty 

moment in which one combatant locks his arms 

round the other's upper thigh and then attempts to

perform a 'snatch'(qv) on the other poor sod.

Everyone winces, which is odd since in the 16th

century the phrase was part of a dance called

La Volta, and it was generally considered rather

sexy. How things have changed !

Now you know your 'bonk' from your 'snatch' and what they get up to down the 'back alley' !!!

I'm off to the 'slobber bar' as I have 'no bird' to see if I can get a good 'rip entry' with a beach volleyball

                                                                player on 'the floor'